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Emotional intelligence (EI) is more than just the ability to regulate your emotional reaction; it is a key strategy in communicating well.
How does emotional intelligence relate to communication? It allows you to say what you want to say, to speak clearly, and to make sure that your voice is heard. You become more assertive without being pushy or aggressive.
Whether you’re speaking with your colleagues during a work presentation or responding to tough questions during a client call. EI allows you to communicate with impact.
Yesterday, I was listening to and empathizing with an acquaintance who loves her job and wants to keep it , but feels stretched beyond the breaking point. The behavior of her boss is triggering a nagging feeling that she should leave. The sad part is that she doesn’t want to leave because, she loves her work and her clients as well. The boss, however, is piling on additional restrictions and requirements about how the work gets processed.
My friend has shared with her boss about how she felt and said that many coworkers felt the same. Unfortunately, the boss has consistently ignored critical feedback.
This is an unfortunate situation. Here are tips on how one can communicate with EQ and avoid cases like these;
Listen and reflect before responding.
We are often told, be quick to listen and slow to talk. If someone voices an opinion that you do not agree with, use these possible responses;
Option A: “That is not important to this discussion.”
Option B: “Tell me more about that.”
Option A will not lead to any meaningful conversation. Option B will be a conversation starter, and you will be able to listen for valuable feedback. If you can access your curiosity during this time, you may learn something that will help you make process improvements.
Acknowledge and affirm.
After listening to the opinion/feedback let’s say you disagree. Do you immediately write it off? Not at all. Let’s say you were the boss in my friend’s situation-(story mentioned above), how would you respond?
My ideal response would be; “I appreciate the courage it took for you to speak up, and I value your opinion. Let me explain the rationale for why the company is choosing to head in this direction and enforce these restrictions. ”
The feedback makes the employee more likely to feel seen, heard and understood even though their suggestion isn’t being implemented.
See things from a different perspective
We often enter conversations aware of only our own perspective. We can be quick to share what we think, feel, or believe about the issue or situation. Even if we are self-aware, we also need to be aware of the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask them what they think. Look for and try to understand their perspective.
Be empathetic
Don’t be quick to dismiss feedback. Show that you care by listening keenly and encouraging feedback. Let’s say someone comes to you in the office and complains about new measures being implemented, how do you react?
Option A: “I don’t care. You have to meet the new requirement.”
Option B: “I am grateful that you told me. How do you think we can best build solid client relationships?”
Option B is better because you have shown empathy by acknowledging their complaints.
Don’t take things personally.
Perhaps your team says that you made a bad decision. How do you as the team leader or boss welcome this thought?
Option A: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Option B: “I hear you. What could I have done that would be better?”
If you go with Option A, you are making this about yourself instead of about the team, the team will feel dismissed and demoralized. If you choose Option B, you can listen and evaluate negative feedback from a curious yet detached stance, and you will unkink the information hose and keep it flowing.
Exercise self-control
It lets us manage and control our emotions before, during and after a conversation. If we lack this competency, then we might not be able to enter any discussions in a neutral state. You might enter the conversation preoccupied with your mood or worries and the other person might not get the feeling that you’re truly present and ready to listen to them.
In summary,
Don’t be the boss or colleague that quickly dismisses opinions or feedback. Use EI to tune in to the other person, use your empathy, manage your emotions, and build relationships.
You may think that emotions cannot be controlled. Not true. Through training and coaching, you can begin to recognize how to control – and better yet, leverage your emotions.
Start with this Emotional Intelligence course and you will be better at controlling your emotions and having better professional relationships.
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