Why Successful Kenyan Women In Careers And Jobs Fail With Men.

What does Caroline Mutoko, Martha Karua, Esther Passaris, and Wangari Maathai have in common? They are all successful in their chosen fields. They are also single or divorced. Read on possible reasons why singleness and being successful goes hand in hand with the modern career woman in Kenya..

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in
society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they’ve become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don’t want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I’ve thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women. And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and some personal experience, here’s what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman…

I’m about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.

REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS

Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn’t make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they’re intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they’ll work everything out.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

You can’t “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can’t get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what’s wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn’t mean you’ll be loved.

REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON’T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH

I can’t tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they’re coming from, but they’ve confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON’T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON’T LIKE them either.

Let me explain…

It’s obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren’t “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here’s the thing…Most men DON’T CARE how successful a woman is. I literally mean it. They don’t care.

Here’s why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman. Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he’s rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man’s success can add to his appeal, but it doesn’t create it. Men aren’t any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn’t going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn’t UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn’t going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful will.

REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON’T GET YOU THERE
Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man’s mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this. Understandably, they’re frustrated that the respect and status that they’ve earned at the office or in life hasn’t translated over to their love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.

WRONG.

This isn’t how it works for men either, so let me use that as an example. Just because a man is successful or rich, a
genuine and open woman doesn’t care anything about that. She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he’s open and loving and he’ll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn’t LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman is n”t going to respond.Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won’t buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man. It just might help get you in the door.

REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES” CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with what’s best.

And things go great. It’s like they’ve got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “man-problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work since they’ve seen the world open up to them with it.

But there’s no results this time and it’s a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business. How do you think that works out?

REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY” PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH THEM

Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman. And no, this doesn’t mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I’ll explain…

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN’T know exactly what’s going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn’t acting controlling or manipulative, then there’s a “space” or “void” that’s created between the man and woman.

It’s this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he’s trying close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman’s affections and attention.

And it’s this out of control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what’s going on between her and the man.Like plotting to be where a man will be and then pretending to have “run into him”. I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED TO BEING IN CONTROL

Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they’ve found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they’re in and the man they’re with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can’t CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things work out the way they’re used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they’re not used to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn’t take into account the feelings and desires of the man… and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that story.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn’t usually work for women – it often works AGAINST them and repels the man. “When you’re with a man, don’t try to manage him.”

So let’s wrap this up for now…

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn’t going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn’t think, “Gee, she’s got a great job, makes good money and doesn’t depend on anyone else to support her, I think I’ll be into her.”

Actually, it’s the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham! He instantly falls for her, and he can’t exactly explain why.

And that’s because there is no reason or logic to why it happens – it happens inside a man’s mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it’s because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman’s life can control this.

If a man doesn’t FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

Have anything to add, register your comments below. Click on the recommend button to share with your facebook friends. And for more on jobs and careers check us www.careerpointkenya.com

No related posts.

To Receive daily jobs In Kenya in your inbox,please subscribe here below.